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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29366037">Self Sacrifice</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alberta_Sunrise/pseuds/Alberta_Sunrise'>Alberta_Sunrise</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Narcos (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood and Injury, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hospitalization, Kidnapping, Major Character Injury, Slow Burn, Torture</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:01:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,865</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29366037</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alberta_Sunrise/pseuds/Alberta_Sunrise</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You and your partner Javier Peña have never really seen eye to eye on anything when it came to catching Escobar but when the two of you are kidnapped. You see a side to him that you never expected. Will Steve be able to find the two of you in time?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Javier Peña/Reader, Javier Peña/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Dunno where this came from... Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="">
  <p>
    
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>You could hear someone calling you but they sounded distant, muffled. You shook your head in an attempt to try and clear your mind but it only made your ears ring more and you let out a groan as your brain throbbed. Finally, you won a battle and managed to crack open your tired eyes, dirty jeans being the first thing they see. You follow the legs up and are met with a tight black button-up that clung to a toned body and strong arms which were tied behind the owner's back. You carried on up, seeing a neck, veins popping and muscles movings as the owner spoke words you still couldn't hear. Finally, you reach the face. Javier’s face. He had a dark bruise developing on his temple, a busted lip and dried blood, crusted inside his nostrils. Your ears seem to catch up with the rest of you and you now manage to hear what he's saying to you. Words to go along with the movements of his mouth.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘You with me?’ He asked again, brows furrowed in concern as he watched you fight your way back to awareness.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Where are we?’ You croak out as your eyes study the room around you.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Fuck if I know.’ He replies, letting out a small huff as he too looked around at the room the two of you were confined to ‘What’s the last thing you remember?’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘We uh-‘ You scrunch your eyes as you try to picture your last coherent moments, brain still a little hazy ‘We said goodnight to Connie and Steve. They needed to leave to relieve the baby sitter. Then you offered to give me a ride home and that’s it.’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Yeah, that’s pretty much all I got to.’ He grumbled, shifting uncomfortably in his seat as he checked you over.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You were in considerably better shape than he was. Not putting up much of a fight before they knocked you out cold. He’d recognized the men that had attacked them. Men pinned the board but they weren’t Escobar’s. Oh no. These men were Cali men. The sound of a door opening grabbed both their attention and you look up to see two figures approach you from the shadows.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Evening.’ One says, a sickening snarl curling his lip.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘What do you want with us?’ You spat, eyes black.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Information.’ The other replies, licking his lips as his eyes appraise you.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘You won’t get anything from us,’ Growled Javier, veins popping as he glared at their captors.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘You see I think we will.’ replied the first guy, his tone confident</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>They knew him, his face one that they had seen in several photographs snapped of the Cali’s activities. His name was Juan Moréas ‘aka’ Swiss. Known for his love of Swiss Blades and how he carves his victims with them until there was nothing but muscle and bone left. His companion neither of you recognised. A new recruit perhaps? Cali men were brutal though and you both knew it. Steve better find you fast or your both fucked.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘So this is how it's going to work.’ Started Juan as he flipped out his trusty knife, licking the blade's edge before he continued ‘My partner and I are going to torture one of you whilst the other watches… You’ll watch as I carve and slice until finally, you give us what we want.’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Hijo de puta enfermo.’ (sick motherfucker) Spat Javier, his eyes following Juan as he came to stand behind you ‘Touch her and you’re a dead man.’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Oh, I’m going to do more than touch her.’ He drawled, bending down so he could run his tongue along your exposed neck.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You shuddered, cursing your haziness as you tried to think of something to do. Something to say, but you came up blank. You watch Javier’s chest heave. His eyes widen as something cold and sharp pierced your skin and pulled a scream from deep inside you.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘That’s right Hermosa.’ He grinned ‘Scream for me.’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Don’t hurt her.’ Begged Peña, his tone taking not just your captors by surprise ‘If you hurt anyone you hurt me.’ He commands, his eyes falling on you ‘Just don’t hurt her please.’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Very well.’ Juan replied, stalking over to your partner and sinking his blade deep in his thigh.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Javier's scream turning your blood to ice.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>~</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You lost track of time. All that you were aware of now was Javi’s screams. Blood-curdling. Sounds that you knew would haunt your dreams. You were no longer tied to a chair. Now you were chained to a wall, hands numb from tight restraints but you didn’t care. You cared about your partner who sat bloodied in a chair across from you. His jeans were almost black, soiled from the several shallow stab wounds Juan had inflicted. His black shirt was torn, revealing shallow gashes across his abs and one deep one just above his hip.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Javi you have to let me take some of this torture.’ You say as he weakly lifts his head to look at you, blood mixed with drool running down his chin.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘No.’ He croaks, sucking in a pained breath ‘I can take it.’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘They’re killing you, Peña.’ You growl, rolling your eyes at his stubbornness.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘No.’ He growled, his voice a little stronger ‘They won't touch you.’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>~</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The blades got bigger the longer you and Peña held out on them. His bare arms now littered in cuts, his shirt non-existent. Today though Juan seemed to be taking a break from slicing, leaving his partner to use some slightly more brutal methods. Blow after blow he in inflicts on the agent's exposed belly, opening up cuts and painting his tanned skin red. His punches were hard and brutal, giving Javier no time to catch his breath before another ripped the wind from his aching lungs again.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Please just stop.’ You beg, tears streaming down your cheeks as you watch the man beat your partner within an inch of his life ‘I’m begging you, please. You’re killing him,’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The blows stop and the man looks up at you, his eyes dark and primal as he grins. Grabbing a fistful of Javi’s hair, he yanks the agent’s head up so that he can see you weeping on the floor. His dark brown eyes lock with yours and you see something in them that makes your stomach twist in knots. He’s giving up.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Give me something and I’ll stop.’ He commands, grinning at the weak groans that escape Javier as he tightens his hold on his hair.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Your eyes glance at him before returning to your partner, searching his expression for an answer. A solution to what to do. Instead, you can see him telling you to say nothing. Not with words, but with a furrowed and stern eyes and you have to decide. Do you cave and hope they spare Javier? Or do you say nothing and seal his fate? Your continued silence angers your captor and in a fit of rage, he kicks Javier’s chair over and the agent's head hits the ground with a sickening crack. You watch your him for any sign of movement and see none, your stomach doing somersaults as you call out to him. The man pulled the chair back up and Peña’s head falls forward, hair already drenched in blood. The man leaves and you continue to call out to Javi, tears streaming down your cheeks as you see blood start to drop onto the floor. You and Peña had never really seen eye to eye on things. He likes to play dirty. You like to play by the books but together, along with Steve, you made one hell of a team. Your friendship with him, if you could call it that, was strained. You often fell out. Shouting matches being a common occurrence with the two of you but now as you sat here, praying he'd open his eyes and look at you, you realized that despite his faults. This man was selfless. It had taken one cut on your arm for him to offer himself up as a sacrifice. He knew you would have done the same, but he hadn’t wanted to give you that chance. Silence fell over your prison, not even the sound of rushing traffic outside could pierce its walls. You wondered where you were. Whether Steve would be able to find you. How long had you even been gone? You counted the number of meals the two men had brought you and estimated you'd been gone at least two days now if not more. As you looked at Javier you knew deep down inside. He didn't have another two days left in him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He did open his eyes eventually and when he had looked at you, what you saw in his eyes made your blood run cold. There were glassy, dazed, and void of recognition. You knew he was in trouble now. The blow to his head, if not treated, could well kill him and so you prayed to anyone that would listen. Let them find you.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The man returned a little while later, smirking when he saw that Javier had come too. He’d returned to savagely beating him but still, you gave him nothing. Barely a sound left Peña’s lips, too weak to utter any. You sat there and watched him, tearless sobs racking your body as you'd cried yourself dry. You knew he wouldn’t last much longer. Few hours at most.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Come on Steve.’ You breathed, staring up at the stained ceiling above ‘Save us.’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>~</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Witness confirmed that it was Swiss's guys that took them.’ Stated Carillo as he sat himself down on the edge of Murphy’s desk.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It had been three days since you and Peña had been swiped from the bar. His car had still been parked on the street the next morning but that hadn’t made anyone particularly suspicious. No, it was the fact that you hadn’t turned up for work that had set off alarm bells. They’d questioned everyone that lived near or worked at the bar and no one had seen anything, or at least, so they claimed. Finally, Carillo had managed to pin down one witness who after a fair amount of intimidation, had finally squawked.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Right well what boltholes does he have that we know about?’ He asked, looking up at the man.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Steve, if he has them… They’re dead.’ Said the colonel grimly, knowing that it was unlikely either of you was still alive.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘No!.’ He growled, slamming his fist down on his desk ‘I refuse to believe that.’ He paused, taking a long drag of his cigarette as he tried to calm his frenzied mind ‘And even if they are.’ He paused again, eyes drifting back to the colonel ‘We owe it to them to at least find them.’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Fine.’ Carillo replied, rising from Steve’s desk ‘He has two boltholes known to us..’ He continued,  pointing them out on the map laid out on Murphy’s desk.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Right we send two teams to check both. You go with one, I’ll go with the other.’ He said as he stood from his chair ‘Let’s pray they’re at one of them.’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>~</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Peña I need you to listen to me.’ You say softly as you watch him raise his head ‘You need to hold out just a little bit longer okay?’ You pause, fresh tears streaming down your cheeks as you look at each other ‘Steve’ll find us. We’ll be ok.’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You didn’t know who you were trying to convince. You or Javi. His expression didn’t change though. He just looked at you with the same glassy eyes he had when he’d woken up and you knew, he didn’t recognise you. Juan and his sidekick walked in a few minutes later, his face red and furious.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Time to talk.’ He shouts, pulling out a large, curved blade from his pocket and bringing it up to Peña’s throat ‘Give me something useful or I will slit his throat.’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You simply stare at him. Chest heaving, but you still refused to give him what he wants. It physically hurts to keep your mouth shut. You cannot bear to watch them torture Javier for a second longer but you had to, you couldn't betray your country for the sake of one. No matter how much you want to.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Perhaps you need a little incentive.’ He spat, nodding at his partner who grabbed Javier roughly and lifted him off his chair.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He threw a blow to his ribs for tossing him to the ground, laughing as he kicked the agent repeatedly with his heavy boots. You sob but you don’t speak. You just watch as Javier takes hit after hit until his eyes roll back and his body goes limp.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘JAVI.’ You scream as you watch in horror whilst Juan’s man continues to kick him despite his unconscious state.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Will you talk now?’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You open your mouth to answer but don’t get a chance. Shouting erupts as a dozen search bloc men flood the room, Steve at the forefront. Their captors are dragged away as Steve spots you and sprints to your side.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Steve Javi.’ You say as he manages to free you of your restraints ‘You need to help him.’ You beg as his eyes follow yours to the bloodied figure across from them.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Two men are crouched at his side, one checking his pulse whilst the other requests an ambulance over the radio. You and Steve are beside him in the blink of an eye, letting out a sob as you see up close how bad of a state he is in.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>'Oh, Javi.' You breathe, stroking his hair back from his face.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Fucking hell.’ Growled Steve as he rolled Peña onto his back 'What did they do?'</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>'They tortured him to try and get me to talk.' You sob 'But I never did Steve... I didn't-'</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Suddenly Javier’s gasping, eyes still shut as he attempts to breathe and you feel your stomach twist painfully.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘What’s happening?’ You ask, looking at Steve with pure panic plastered across your face.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Lowering his ear to his partner’s chest he confirms his theory ‘His lung’s collapsed. SHIT.’ Hands thrown up to his head as he starts to panic 'Shit Peña Breathe!!.'</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Come on Javi.’ You plead, rubbing circles with your thumb on his shoulder as he continues to writhe ‘Don’t give up.’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You're roughly pulled out the way, Steve also, as two Paramedics start working on him. One pulls out a long needle and without a second thought, stabs it into his chest. Pulling off the cap, it let out a hiss and Javier manages to pull in a few shaky breaths. A mask was placed over his face before they maneuvered him onto the gurney, wheeling him out with you and Steve hot on their heels. You jumped in the ambulance with him, not wanting him to leave your sight and Steve informed you he’d follow in his car. The doors shut and the sirens wailed. The ambulance screaming off down the road towards what you hoped to be Javier’s salvation.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>~</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Two weeks.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Two weeks he’d been here, in this coma, bandage covering where they’d removed a section of his skull to operate on the aneurysm he’d developed from his blow to the head. Along with that, he’d suffered from severe abdominal trauma and internal bleeding which had taken several hours of surgery to get under control. You and Steve took it in turns to sit at his side. Hoping that he’d open his eyes and all would be well again but the doctors had been upfront from the start, his chances weren’t great. They’d done all they could and now it was just a case of waiting for him to wake up. Problem was. There was a chance that he wouldn’t. He was hooked up to so many machines it made your head spin, the swoosh and click of the ventilator setting your nerves on edge as you watched the mechanical rise and fall of his chest. When Steve came to relieve you, you went home, got in your shower, and sobbed as the hot water cascaded over your shaking shoulders. You didn’t sleep. His screams haunting your dreams so instead you worked. Worked to find the bastards that gave the order. The order that meant Javier was now fighting for his life. Another week went by and still, no change, except you were now sleeping on the Murphy’s couch after screaming so much in your one night that the police were called. A neighbor fearing you'd been attacked. So no you were sat bouncing Olivia on your knee, smiling at the tiny creature as she allowed you a little distraction from everything that was going on. Connie placed a coffee mug on the table across from you and smiled as the child squealed with glee, overjoyed by the raspberries you blew on her round belly. The door swinging open made the two of you jump and you leaped to your feet, Olivia pulled close to your chest. Ready to protect her at any cost. Steve was stood there panting. His hair sticking to his sweat covered brow, his wild eyes flitting between Connie and you as he caught his breath.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘What is it?’ Aked Connie, concern etched into her features ‘Is it Javi?’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He nodded, still panting as he ran his hand through his wild blonde hair.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Is he?’ You don’t want to finish, afraid of the answer.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘He’s awake.’ He replied, a small smile crossing his lips 'Javi's woken up.'</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You weren’t entirely sure what you were expecting when you’d arrived to see Javi in the hospital. He’d been in a coma for 3 weeks so he wasn’t going to be dancing a jig. When you arrived he was propped up in bed, the bandage still wrapped around his head. His eyes looked sunken into his skull and his skin was not its usual glowing tan but he was alive and for that, you were thankful. You’d had a conversation with the doctor outside just before that had almost made you throw up all over his pale blue scrubs. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>'He appears to be suffering from some memory loss' </span>
  </em>
  <span>The doctor had said '</span>
  <em>
    <span>He knows who he is, what he does but he doesn’t remember coming to Columbia.'</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You had thrown your hand up to your mouth at the thought he that he had no idea who you were. There was one small mercy though. He wouldn’t remember being tortured. So now you were sat waiting for him to come around, holding his hand and wondering what you were going to be greeted by when he finally did wake up. He blinked several times as he tried to clear away the haze that fogged his vision. His eyes settling on you and his brow furrowed as he tried to figure out who you are. You felt familiar to him but he couldn’t understand why he couldn’t place what your relationship to him was.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Hey Javi’ You said softly as you gave him a genuine smile, stomach sinking when you got little more than a nod in reply ‘I know you don’t recognise me.’ You start, your eyes dropping to your hand that rested beside his ‘I’m your partner here. Well me and Steve Murphy-‘ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Steve?’ A shock of something flashes across his face and you jump a little ‘Yeah Steve. Does that name mean something to you?’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His brows furrow as he thinks a moment, fragments of things flashing in his mind as he tried to work through the flurry of images. A blonde man and woman stood out through the chaos, their names clear as day in his head. He nods at you as you waited for him to respond, feeling your stomach twist at the idea he remembered Murphy but not you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘He has a wife.’ He starts, his eyes darting from side to side likes he’s reading ‘Connie.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Yeah, that’s right.’ You reply, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze ‘That’s really good Javier.’ </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘How did I end up here?’ He asks, his dark eyes probing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘You suffered a head injury.’ You start, unsure of how much to tell him ‘You had to have surgery on your brain-‘</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I know all of that.’ He spat, anger flashing across his face ‘I want to know how I got the head injury in the first place. Doc won’t tell me.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Javi I-‘</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Just stop bullshitting me.’ He growls, letting his head fall back against his pillow ‘What happened to me?’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘We were kidnapped.’ You start, already regretting opening your mouth ‘They… Um. They tor-‘ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I was tortured.’ He interrupts, his eyes growing wide as he looks at you in a way you’d not seen since your captivity ‘You had to watch.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You nod grimly, tears pooling in your eyes as you try to think of what to say. You look at him, still seeing confusion etched into his tired features. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘You should rest Javi.’ You say softly, giving his hand another squeeze ‘Your memory will come back with time.’</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He let his eyes drift shut, exhaustion getting the better of him. You stayed with him until Steve came by to take over, Connie waiting patiently in the truck outside to take you back. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘He remembered you and Steve.’ You say as you glance over at her, surprise evident in her expression ‘He remembered being tortured and that I was there but… He doesn’t remember who I am.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘He will.’ She replies softly, placing a comforting hand on your knee ‘Memory is a fickle thing. There may be things that’ll come back and there may be things that will remain lost to him.’ She pauses, glancing over at you as you look down at your hands ‘All we can do is support him. Help him through what is going to be a difficult recovery for him.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You nod in reply, allowing a few tears to slip from your tired eyes before you wipe them away with the back of your hand. You knew she was right but you weren’t sure how you were going to do any of that. You suppose only time will tell.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Peña was released from the hospital a few days later. The bandage around his head had been removed and revealed the section of his head that had been shaved, a circular scar outlining where they’d cut into his skull to save his life. You watched him as he stared at it, his face void of emotion. You couldn’t begin to imagine what he must be feeling. He’d been tortured. Cut, stabbed and beaten within an inch of his life but the thing that had nearly killed him had been the blow to his head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Can I get you anything?’ You ask as you busy yourself with putting away the supplies Connie had gotten for him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘No.’ He replied numbly, as he stared at the blank television set. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Okay well I’m going to go grab a few things from my apartment and then I’ll be back.’ You state, grabbing your keys from his kitchen table. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I don’t need a baby sitter.’ He growls, eyes remaining fixed in place. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘You shouldn’t be alone Javi.’ You start, a touch of irritation in your tone ‘Steve and I have been instructed to take care of you.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t reply, just stared at the television set and you let out a huff in annoyance. You leave without saying another word, unlocking your apartment door and heading to your bedroom. You grab a bag and shove a few changes of clothes into it before grabbing some toiletries and any other essentials you might need over the next week or so. The doctor had advised you that it was best not to leave him alone for the first few days or so. His mental state had been unstable as memories had started to trickle back gradually. He had prescribed the agent with some pain killers to help aid the headaches that Javier had been getting and had instructed you on the best care for his various injuries. You were thankful that his stitches were long gone but the wounds still needed to be tended. Throwing your bag over your shoulder you made your way back over to your partner's apartment, stomach-dropping when you arrive to find him rocking with his head in his hands. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Javi what’s wrong?’ You ask as you drop to your knees in front of him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘My head,’ He wailed, screaming into his palms as he willed the pain to leave him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You sprinted to the kitchen and grabbed the pain pills the doctor had given you, filling a glass with water and taking what you’d gathered back to him. You poured two pills into your palm before talking Peña’s hand, tears forming as you had to watch him suffer again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Take these.’ You plead, managing to pull his hands away from his face. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He popped the pills into his mouth and took the glass of water as you handed it to him, sipping the cool liquid before handing it back and returning to his rocking. You push yourself to your feet and sit down on the arm of the couch, gently clasping his face and pulling it to your chest as you attempted to soothe him. After a while, the pain killers start to work and the pain becomes more manageable. You help him lay down on the couch and pull a blanket over him, glad he’s getting some rest finally. You did what you could to keep yourself busy whilst he lay there and slept, you envied him though. You didn’t sleep. Not anymore. The afternoon turned to evening, evening to night and after a little trouble from Javier, you managed to get him to bed, his painkillers making him wobbly on his feed. You lay there on his couch, staring up at the textured ceiling above and willing your brain to let you sleep. You managed to catch a few hours here and there but any longer and you were plagued by the memory of his screams, the look in his eyes, the sound of his bones breaking. You were pulled from your dark thoughts by yelling, your heart suddenly trying to beat it’s way out of your chest as you heard Javier cry out for you. Within seconds you were at his side, sobbing as you saw him writhe beneath his sheets as his unconscious mind tortured him. He yelled out for you again and you sat down beside him, gently stroking his cheek as you tried to rouse him from his nightmare. He woke with a start, eyes wildly searching the darkness but settling when they fell on you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I’m here.’ You say softly as you affectionately stroke his hair, feeling him relax to your touch. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Come lay with me.’ He asks, his voice so small and vulnerable that you almost don’t recognise it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You pull up the covers and slide underneath, feeling him curl up against you and for the first time in weeks, you drift off to sleep. This comes habit over the next few days, neither one of you able to sleep unless you're beside each other but neither of you talks about it. A week passes and after a check-up, the doctor is happy that Javier should be okay to take care of himself. His headaches are less frequent and his wounds are healing nicely so you go your separate ways. One night you’re woken by frantic hands shaking your shoulders, your body slick with sweat as you sit up with a start. Your heart is pounding so hard you were sure whoever had woken you could probably hear it.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘You need to come and stay with us again?’ Connie asks as she flicks on the light on the table beside you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I uh-‘ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘You were screaming bloody murder.’ She states as her thumb rubs circles on your shoulder ‘Perhaps you should see someone about this.’</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘What good will that do?’ You grumble, grabbing the glass of water beside you and gulping it down. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘What are they even about?’ She asks, leaning back on her arm. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Javier.’ You reply plainly as you let out a shaky breath.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘He’s fine now, he’s back.’</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Doesn’t take the memories of what I had to watch go away though does it!’ You growl ‘That will forever be etched into my memory.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You sat across from Javier as you ate breakfast together, an awkward silence hanging over the two of you as you catch him glancing at you from time to time. You can see that he wants to say something, the muscles in his jaw working as he plans his words carefully in his mind.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘It’s nothing.’ You say abruptly, taking him by surprise. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘What?’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I’m assuming that you heard me last night?’ He nods grimly, forking some more bacon into his mouth as he waits for you to continue. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘It’s nothing…’ You state again as you take a swig of your orange juice ‘Nothing I can’t handle.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘What are they about?’ He asks sympathetically and you look up at him with a stony expression. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘You.’ You reply plainly and you watch as his expression changed to what you could only describe as guilt. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You’d been cleared to return duty but Javier was still grounded and to your surprise, he was taking it surprisingly well. What you didn’t know was the inner turmoil that he was suffering. It had all hit him one night, whilst nursing a large glass of whiskey he remembered everything about you. Your fights, you frustrations but most importantly, how he felt about you. You continued your visits but they were reduced mainly to dinner now. The two of you would sit on separate couches as you ate whatever take out you’d bought or whatever Connie had brought down. You discussed work, Olivia, Barry the creep who had asked you out almost every single day this week but never what had happened at night. Not until one evening when you came over, the smell of Connie’s lasagna assaulting your nose and your stomach growled loudly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Evening.’ Said Javier as he smiled at you from the kitchen, handing you a plate before making his way down the small set of steps to the couch.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Thanks.’ You say as you graciously accept the plate of food and follow him to the lounge ‘How are you feeling today?’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Getting there.’ He replied as he shovelled some of his food into his mouth, groaning in delight at the flavour ‘Finding it a little easier to stay focused. Did get a killer headache though. Looking forward to those fucking off.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I bet.’ You reply, killing the conversation dead. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You sit there in silence then, eating your food and staring off at a pile of books sitting on a table across from you. The tension was so thick you could almost touch it and you knew he was watching you, studying you like he would a perp. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘You need to talk to me about these dreams.’ He says suddenly, grabbing your attention ‘It might help to talk about them.’</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘How would it help Peña?’ You growl, venom dripping from every word. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘You can’t keep going on like this.’ He states, putting his plate down and leaning forward on his elbows ‘Hell last night you scared the shit out of me. You need to try and-‘ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Try and what?’ You interrupt, glaring at him ‘Fix my fucked up brain?’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘That’s not what I’m saying…’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Every night I’m reminded of how they tortured you.’ You spit, watching him jump back in surprise ‘I’m haunted by your screams as Juan cut you. The sounds of your bones cracking as his sidekick beat you. The look in your eyes when you gave up.’ You pause, getting up from your seat and making your way to his bar, pouring yourself a large glass of whiskey ‘I’ve tried everything I can think of Javi but I can’t get it out of my head.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I-‘ He stumbles for what to say, heart, twisting as he watches your internal struggle from where he’s sat ‘I want to help you.’ He continues, watching as you lift your head to look at him ‘If I can.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Why do you even care Javi?’ You question, eyes following him as he walks over to you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Because I care about you.’ He states, looking down at you with his captivating eyes and you freeze. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then everything was a blur, your lips crashing against his and your tongues fighting for dominance. You feel the air get knocked out of you as he pushes you up against the wall, his lips placing hot, open-mouthed kisses along your neck as he grinds his hips against yours. You shiver when you feeling his hand slip past the waistband of your sweats and your brain suddenly screams at you to stop this but you don't want to. So you don’t. His fingers brush gently over your folds, smiling against your skin when he finds you slick with arousal before he slips a finger deep into your heat, his other hand palming your breast over your shirt. His finger is joined by a second, curling them just right that he is hitting that spot inside you that has you barreling towards your peak. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Let go.’ He growls seductively in your ear as he nibbled at your earlobe 'Let me feel you.'</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A few more pumps of his hand and you were there. Your orgasm ripping through you like a tsunami and if it weren’t for him pinning you against the wall, you’d be on the floor. You stand there panting for a moment as your mind starts to clear, your brain finally taking control back from your libido and you look at Javi in horror. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘What’s wrong?’ He asks as his brows knit together in concern. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘We- I uh…- You shove him off you as you scale the room and grab your keys from the table ‘That shouldn’t have happened.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Why not?’ He asks as his face falls. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I don’t want to be another fucking notch on your bedpost Peña!’ You spit, eyes burning ‘I got caught up by your bullshit and I shouldn’t have. That…’ You continue, motioning to were you’d both been stood a few moments ago ‘Never happened.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You don’t even give him a chance to retort, you just leave. Slamming the door behind you. Turning your key in the lock you push the door to your apartment open and sprint inside, sinking to the floor as you sob openly. How could you have let yourself do that? You knew what he was like. You’d been fighting your feelings for a while, knowing that he didn’t feel the same. Little did you know that he did… and that he was still stood staring at his door hoping you’d come back through it, his heart bleeding from the spiteful words you’d just thrown at him. Should he tell you that he’s in love with you? Or should he protect himself from the inevitable rejection he’d receive from offering you his heart? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He wouldn’t see or hear from you now for 4 days. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After that evening you threw yourself into your work, doing anything you could not to think about what happened and it hadn't gone unnoticed by Steve. He studied you closely but didn’t question you, afraid that if he poked the bear it would bite and he didn’t fancy getting bitten. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘How’s Javi doing?’ He asked, looking up at you from his desk as he sipped on his tepid coffee. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Wouldn’t know.’ You replied bluntly, eyes not leaving the file in front of you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘You not checked on him lately?’ He questioned as he stood from his chair and walked over to you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘He was fine when I last saw him.’ You reply, shrugging your shoulders.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'Which was?'</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'Day before last.'</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘He suffered a brain injury,’ Steve spat, glaring down at you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘He’s been out of hospital almost 3 weeks Murphy.’ You growl, looking up at him through your lashes ‘He’s a big boy he can take care of himself.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘He had brain surgery.’ Steve growls, venom dripping from each word 'Not something you get over in a few weeks.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You watch Murphy leave and head towards the kitchen with his mug in hand, feeling a pang of guilt from his words but he didn’t understand. He didn’t know the truth about what happened. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Peña?’ Called Connie as she walked into Javi’s apartment, pocketing the spare key he’d given them in her pocket. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Looking around she noticed the coffee table was littered with spend glasses and empty whisky bottles but he was nowhere to be found. She could see the light in his bathroom was on from the corner of her eye and started to step towards it, her ears picking up faint sounds coming from inside. She pushed the door open and gasped at what she saw before sprinting inside. Javier was laying on the ground, struggling to breathe and Connie's stomach dropped. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Javi can you hear me?’ She asked as she placed two fingers on his neck, finding his pulse to be weak and thready ‘Shit Javi open your eyes for me.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He complied, cracking them open weakly as he wrapped his fingers around Connie’s wrist. She noticed that his lips had a faint tinge of blue to them and she knew instantly what was wrong, the pieces of the puzzle all falling into place.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Javi have you been taking your pain pills with alcohol?’ She asked, cupping his face in her hands and turning his head so she could look him dead in the eye. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All he could do was nod, his eyelids starting to flutter as he began to lose the battle to stay conscious. Connie leapt up and sprinted back into the lounge, grabbing Javi’s phone before returning to the bathroom and dropping to his side again. She dialled the only number she could think of.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Steve it’s Connie.’ She rushed, free hand cupping Javi’s cheek ‘Steve you need to get an ambulance down here now.’ She continued, eyes now fixed on Peña ‘He’s been taking his pain pills with alcohol and he’s minutes away from going into respiratory arrest.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hanging up the phone she returned her soul attention to Javier, stroking his hair as she talked to him in an attempt to keep him conscious. Praying help would get here soon. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Steve slammed down his phone and stood up abruptly, darting out the office without saying a word. You caught up with him as he sprinted out the office to your right and practically stumbled right into you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Steve, what's going on?’ You ask, holding his shoulders as you take in his frenzied appearance. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I asked Connie to check of Javi.’ He states, his expression darkening ‘He’s been taking his pain meds with alcohol. She found him half dead on the bathroom floor. An ambulance is on its way and I’m leaving to be with him.’</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I’m coming with you.’ You reply, tears stinging your eyes at the revelation. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘No.’ He spat, shoving you out the way ‘You’ve done enough damage.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Javier was released from hospital 2 days later on the promise that he wouldn’t be left on his own. He hadn’t been breathing by the time the ambulance had got there, the paramedics being greeted by sobbing Connie as she blew rescue breaths into him in an attempt to keep his heart beating. He’d been put on a ventilator the first night, the sight making Steve’s stomach drop as he remembered the last time he’d seen his partner on one. When he’d been in a coma. You were waiting when Steve pulled up, quickly sprinting to his truck to help Javi get out of the car and up to his apartment. You helped him to the couch, supporting his back as he lay down against the plush cushions you'd put there. You’d promised Steve you’d stay with him despite his initial protests, telling him that he had Olivia to worry about and that you would devote your time to making sure that Javi was taken care of. When evening came around you dished up the food Connie had cooked for the two of you, handing Javi one of the plates before sitting down on the couch across from him. The two of you ate in silence but you were relieved to see that he was indeed eating, something you’d assumed he was going to be difficult about. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Why Javi?’ You asked finally as you place your empty plate on the table. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Why what?’ He spat, not looking at you as he spoke. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Why did you do it?’ You elaborate ‘If you were in pain you could have told me.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Could I?’ He looks at you now ‘If I’d called and said “Hey, my head has been splitting for the last two days and the pills aren’t making a dent” would you have come?’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Your mouth opening to speak but no words left your lips and he scoffed, returning his attention to the plate on his lap. You feel your guilt starting to build, noticing the hurt on his face. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Why did you just leave?’ He asks abruptly, taking you by surprise ‘I kissed you, got you off and then you freaked and left without even letting me say two words.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I uh…’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘You what?’ He spat, his tone venomous ‘Did you stop to think that perhaps I don’t want you to be just another “notch on my bedpost” as you put it?’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Javi come on…’ You start as you look at him in disbelief ‘We both know you would have fucked me and then you'd be screwing some whore the next day.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Maybe that's not what I want anymore.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Likely.’ You scoff, rolling your eyes in disbelief. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Fine whatever.’ He growls, throwing his plate down and grabbing his cigarettes from beside him ‘Clearly you don’t give a fuck how I feel.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘How do you feel?’ You question, sitting back in your seat. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Doesn’t matter.’ He mumbles, taking a long toke if his cigarette and scrubbing a hand over his tired face. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Javi we both know you’re not a relationship kinda guy.’ You start as you get up and head to the kitchen with the now empty plates before grabbing the bottle of wine on the side ‘I shouldn’t have let it happen. I got caught up in the moment.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘You weren’t complaining when I finger fucked you.’ He spat, stubbing his cigarette out on the ashtray at his side. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Fuck you.’ You growl, eyes red with rage ‘I said I shouldn’t have let it get that far. As soon as I realised what had happened I stopped it.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I’m going to bed.’ Growled Peña as he pushed himself up to his feet, groaning at his body’s protest to the movement. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Javi let me help you.’ You say as you start to sprint towards him, stopping when he threw his hand up to stop you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I’m fine.’ He states, his tone ice-cold ‘Wouldn’t want you to get the wrong idea.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Things remain tense following that night. The two of you barely speak to each other, only when it was necessary. You hated the tension between the two of you but you also couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d said. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Did you stop to think that perhaps I don’t want you to be just another notch on my bedpost?"</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>What had he meant by that? He was Javier Peña. The DEA playboy of Bogotá. He couldn’t possibly share your feelings, could he? This question plagued you, tormented your every waking moment until you decided that you needed to know. Once and for all. So whilst sitting across from each other, eating dinner as you did every evening, you on your second glass of wine. You decide to ask, the alcohol softening the nerves a little as you formed the words carefully in your mind. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Javi what did you mean?’ You start, looking up at him as he froze in place. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘What? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘The other night when we fought about that night. You asked me if I’d stopped to think about whether or not I’d considered that you didn’t want me to be another notch.’ You elaborate, taking another gulp of wine ‘What did you mean?’</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Does it matter?’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Yes, it matters.’ You exclaim. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Why?’</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Because ever since you said it those words have haunted me.’ You reply ‘Javi I have feelings for you. That's why I freaked.’ You continue, taking a shaky breath before continuing ‘I didn’t want to get hurt so I stopped it.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Javi’s jaw drops as he processes what you had just told him. His heart pounded in his chest at learning that you felt for him too but his brain seemed to short-circuit at the fact. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Shit I shouldn't have said anything.’ You groan as you put your wine glass down and start to stand, only to be stopped by a hand around your wrist. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You freeze, shivering at his touch and as you allow your eyes to meet his. Your gaze follows him as he shifts from his couch to yours, taking a seat beside you. You watch the mixture of emotions that cross his face as he carefully arranges his reply on his tongue. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I have feelings for you too.’ He replies, whispering your name as he edges closer to you ‘What I said the other day. I meant it.’ He pauses, cupping your cheek with his large hand and turning your face to look at him ‘I want something real… with you.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then he was kissing you, softly at first and you returned it, melting into him. His tongue traced the seam of your mouth and you opened, allowing him entry. Moaning as you tasted him. His grip on your face got a little tighter as he tried to deepen the kiss, jumping when your hands settle on his chest and push him away. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘We can’t do this Javi.’ You say simply, looking at him with tears in your eyes ‘We’re partners. We work together. You know the rules!! The ambassador would have our heads if they found out we were dating.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘So we keep it a secret.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘No Javi we cannot do this.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Cannot or won’t?’ He asks, anger flashing across his face ‘We cannot be together or you won't be with me… which is it?’</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Javi I-‘</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘You know what? I have been fighting these feelings for so long.’ He interrupts, pushing himself from the couch and heading towards the kitchen ‘I mean I was so upset that you walked out on me that I nearly fucking killed myself.’</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Javi?’</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I wasn’t trying to before you get the wrong idea!’ He shouts, taking a swig from the beer he just fetched ‘That night when you kissed me I felt like I didn’t have to hide anymore. Then you walked out and I felt lost again. My head started to hurt so much that no number of those pain pills seemed to help so I tried to numb it another way and well… you know how that turned out.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘So what? It's my fault you almost died?’ You growl ‘Is that what you're saying?’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘NO!’ He yells, making you jump ‘I’m saying that I’m in love with you and you hurt me. You don’t want to be with me fine, but stop trying to make out that you didn’t take advantage of me. You got what you needed and fucked off.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Your chest is heaving as tears stream down your face ‘Fuck you, Peña.’ You spit, downing the last of your wine ‘Perhaps I should go! Get Steve to mother your ass now.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Perhaps you should!'</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With that you stand, your expression completely blank as you walk up the few steps leading to his kitchen, grab your keys from his table and storm towards the door, ignoring Javier when calls out for you. You don’t know why you don’t go home, instead, you scale the stairs and knock on Steve’s door, sobbing when Connie answers. She doesn't say anything, just pulls you into her arms and holds you as you let your tears fall and your cries wrack your thin frame. She eventually manages to pull you inside and take you to the couch where she sits and waits for you to calm down, stroking your hair as she hushes you softly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘What happened?’ She asked finally as you allow yourself to look at her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Taking in a shaky breath you tell her, everything. She sits there and listens, not saying a word as you recant the tale of you and Javier. There’s no judgement in her face when you finish your tale, just a look of sympathy as she takes your hand and strokes the top of it with her thumb. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘He didn’t mean what he said.’ She says and you scoff. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Should have been there. He meant it.’</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘No… he didn’t. He’s hurting.’ She continues, giving your hand a squeeze ‘We all say stuff we don’t mean when we're angry.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I don’t think I can face him again.’ You sob as you cover your face with your free hand. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I will keep an eye on him over the next few days.’ She states ‘He’s got a few days before his final medical and then he may even get cleared to go back to work. He’ll be in a better humour when he can do something useful.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You simply nod, smiling at her weakly as they then sat in silence for what felt like hours. You slept there that night, not wanting to be on your own and Connie stayed with you. Steve had teased the two of you the next morning as you both rubbed your sore necks from sleeping on the couch all night. True to her word Connie checked on Javi every day but she kept from you how much he was hurting, regretting his words to you that night more than anything but she'd advised he give you time. His medical came and went and he was cleared to return to work but was limited to desk duty. He still suffered from the odd headache and got confused now and then, until they were confident that he was in top condition, he was benched. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>~</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Today was the first field op Peña had done since returning from medical leave. He had practically bounced off the walls when he was okayed to return to active duty and 2 days later they were informed of a bolthole that could lead to the capture of some of Escobar’s top sicarios. He could see that you were nervous but said nothing, things still weren’t good between the two of you but you'd managed to be civil with each other for the sake of the mission. Carillo fired off the plan to you all as you readied yourself for the operation, informing each person what their task was and where to go. Initially, things went smoothly, you’d managed to storm the place and had half a dozen of Escobar’s gun for hires at gunpoint but when you'd seen someone slip past you and up the stairs that lead to the roof you were quickly informing Carillo and the others that there was one on the run as you sprinted off after him. Javier shouted that he would go after you, cursing you under his breath as he followed the two of you across the rickety rooftops. When you disappeared from his line of sight his heart started to race and he pushed himself to run faster, harder and he did, when he heard the gunshot. He ran as hard as his legs would take him then in the direction he’d heard it come from, screaming your name when he saw you laying there and the sicario nowhere to be seen. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Can you hear me?’ He asks as he grabs your face in his hands, breathing a sigh of relief when he sees that the bullet had hit your vest. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Javi?’ You croak, scrunching your eyes from the now pounding pain in your head.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Yeah, it's me Hermosa.’ He replies as he helps you sit up ‘He got away.’ He then states when he sees you looking around for the perp you’d been chasing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Why didn’t you go after him?’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Because by the time I reached you he was nowhere to be seen!’ He growled, sitting back on his rump as he scrubbed his hand over his face ‘I thought…’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘What?’ You question as you give him a bemused look ‘What did you think?’</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘I thought I’d lost you.’ He replied. his voice cracking ‘When I saw you laying there I-‘ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You stop him with a hug, pulling him close as you bury your face in the crook of his neck, the two of you stay like that for a few minutes as you breathed each other in. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Friends?’ He asks, pulling back to look at you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘Friends.’ You nod with a smile, allowing him to help you to your feet 'Now let's get out of here.'</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So happy with the response I've gotten from this. I may add little oneshots with these two in the future but for now, I hope you enjoy the ending</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Laying there you turn your head to look at the source of the heavy breathing at your side and you feel your heart leap in your chest a little. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps, mussed curls hanging around this face. You hadn’t expected tonight to turn out as it had but it had and this was going to complicate things. You weren’t sure you cared though as you remember the feeling of his lips against your flesh and how he’d worshipped every inch of you like you were a goddess. No, you don’t care. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>6 hours earlier…</span>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Come on…’ Pleaded Steve as he nudged you with his shoulder ‘Just a few drinks! This is a cause to celebrate.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘I don’t know.’ You chew your lip nervously as you look at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Hey, it’s not gonna happen again.’ He promised, placing hands on your shoulders ‘You need to get back out there. Come, please.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You nod but really you still don’t want to go, remembering what had happened last time you’d gone out for some drinks with them. An hour later though you found yourself in a bar, Javi at your side as he and Steve cheer over the win you’d gotten today. You were struggling to celebrate. Yes you’d managed to shut down one of Escobar's main labs but he still had more and you still worried that you’d walk out of this bar only to be snatched again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Hey, you okay?’ Asked Javier softly when Steve had gone to grab another round of beers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Yeah, I- Uh…’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘I was a little apprehensive at first too when Steve suggested it.’ He admitted to you as he placed a comforting hand on your leg ‘But we can’t live in fear… Got to take the bull by the horns and live Hermosa or we’ll forever be haunted by the past.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You smiled at him as your eyes locked with his and for a moment you just look at each other, unspoken words hanging around you as electricity sparked between you. The friend thing had proved to be easy and yet difficult at the same time. It had made working with him easier and you no longer argued like siblings but there was still this spoken truth that neither of you wanted to touch on again. You'd told him of your feelings for him and he’d admitted that he returned them. Problem was, you are his partner and he is yours and if you cross that line. There’s no going back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘What I miss?’ Asks Steve as he plonks himself back down, practically slamming your beer bottle down in front of you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Literally nothing.’ You state as you squeeze Javi’s hand and look at your other partner. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the evening goes more smoothly then. You end up having one last beer after the one Steve brought you before Javi announces that you should all head back before Steve passes out and you’re grateful that Murphy had picked a bar that was only a two-minute walk from the apartment building. You bid the agent goodnight, giving him a quick hug before watching him stumble slightly up the stairs, both you and Peña waiting for the sound of his front door closing before you’re both confident that he’s made it home. Then it's just the two of you, in a dark lobby with this energy buzzing about you that both of you can feel but neither of you sure whether to act on it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Well, goodnight.’ You say softly as you place a friendly hand on Javi’s arm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Goodnight.’ He replied as he stepped closer to you, his hand resting on your waist as he places a soft kiss on your cheek. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The action brings you to turn your head suddenly and look at him, conscious that your lips are mere centimetres away from his. You let out a shaky breath as your eyes flit between his lips and his dark brown orbs. The tension between you is so thick you can almost taste it and then your lips collide in a hot, messy kiss that tears the air from your lungs. Everything's so chaotic. The next moment you’re able to get your bearings you're pinned against the wall beside your door as he kisses and bites your neck, his thigh pushed between your legs providing you with delicious friction that has you moaning against his lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Do you want me to stop?’ He whispers in your ear as his hands grip your waist tightly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘No.’ You whine as you rock your hips a little ‘Don’t you dare stop.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Next, you’re in your apartment, clothes being shed left right and centre as you devour each other. You push him down onto you couch, admiring his, toned, naked form a moment before he’s grabbing your hips and spinning you on the spot, kissing from the centre of your back down to the globes of your ass before roughly pulling you onto his lap. You gasp at the feeling of his erection beneath you as he kisses your neck whilst his hands roam the expanse of your curves. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘So beautiful.’ He breaths against your ear as two fingers find their way to where you desperately need them ‘This all for me?’ He questions when he finds you slick with arousal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Yes.’ You breathe, back arching into his touch as he nibbles your ear lobe ‘Please Javi.’ You beg as his fingers drive you mad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘What Hermosa?’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘I need you… please.’ You plead, turning your head so you can kiss him hungrily over your shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His hands find your hips and guide you up before one grabs his length and guides it to your entrance. You let out a guttural moan as he lowers you onto him, the feeling of him stretching you out having the perfect balance of pleasure and pain. You’re still for a moment, allowing yourself to adjust to his size and enjoy the feeling of him filling you completely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Move.’ He growls, his hands desperately trying to get you to do something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You start slow, revelling in the feeling of his hands touching and squeezing but as you feel that coil start to tighten you increase your pace, clutching to what you can as he meets your movements. His fingers find your sensitive bundle of nerves again and you fall over the edge, crying out as he fucks you through it. You quickly leap to your feet, turning around and returning to his lap and you sink down on his length again as you kiss him with fervour. Your movements are hard and fast as you bite into his shoulder and moan as he continues to hit that spot inside that has you fast approaching another climax. You lifted your head so you can look at him again, your forehead resting against his as you peak again and your mouth dropped in a silent scream as you watch him watch you as pleasure ripples through you. You never want this to end. You want to feel pleasure like this with him for the rest of your life and it scares you how right this all feels. His hands grab your waist and flip you onto your hands and knees, pulling you from your reverie. You scream in pleasure as he takes you from behind, his hand grabbing a fistful of your hand as he pounds you with an animalistic like purpose. You slip your hand between your legs and pleasure yourself as you feel him start to pulse inside you, your third orgasm hitting you as he finally reaches his. After a few moments, you roll yourself onto your back and look up at him with a mixture of lust and love, admiring the way beads of sweat glitter on his tan skin in the dim evening light. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘God anything to drink?’ He asks, leaning down to kiss you on the lips and cupping your face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Um I have some beer in the fridge I think.’ You reply, grinning at him as he smiles down at you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Beer sounds good.’ He replies before he heads off in the complete opposite direction to the kitchen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He returns a few moments later with a damp cloth which you accept from him graciously, smiling as he kisses you again before making his way to your kitchen. Still very much naked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Here.’ He says as he holds a bottle out to you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You sit up and shuffle up the couch as you take it from him, grinning like a loon when he takes a seat beside you and pulls you against his warm chest. You both sit there for a while in silent bliss, sipping your beer as his fingers dance across your collarbone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘You don’t regret this do you?’ He asks suddenly, his tone vulnerable and your heart immediately sinks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You let your head fall back against his belly and you look up at him, brow furrowed as you open your mouth to speak. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘No Javi.’ You reply softly ‘I will never regret this.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He leans down to kiss you, nudging your nose affectionately with his when he breaks away. You finish your beers and head to the bedroom where Javi wastes no time burying his head between your thighs and making the most of having you in the way he’s wanted for so long. You have sex again before finally allowing yourselves to succumb to sleep. You've woke an hour later and now you find yourself appreciating him in the moonlight, smiling at his slightly parted lips as he sleeps soundly in your bed. You knew you were going to have to talk about what this meant. Javi had said that you could keep their relationship secret but you weren’t sure you wanted that. You wanted the world to know that Javier Peña was yours. That he had chosen you. You’d never been one to show of anything but now that you had this man, you wanted the everyone to know about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘I still can’t believe you two ended up together.’ Joked Steve as he sipped his drink from the couch opposite your’s and Javi’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘I can.’ Replied Connie, leaning further into her husband ‘They’re perfect for each other! A blind man could see it.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Well, I for one feel like the luckiest man on the planet.’ Gushes Javier, placing a soft his on your temple.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Ew stop before I gag.’ You joke, sticking your tongue out at him when he juts his lip out and sulks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘How and earth you managed to keep it from us for 6 months I don’t know, however.’ Continued Connie, grinning at the two of you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Yeah, why didn’t you tell me?’ Questions Steve, feigning a hurt expression. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘We just wanted to see where it would go first.’ Replies Javier as he pulls you against him ‘When we were confident that this shit was real we were going to tell you and well now you know!’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘So you two are serious??’ Exclaims Steve, his eyes shooting wide open. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘I’m in deep man.’ Replies Peña, his eyes are fixed on you as he smiles down at you sweetly and you beam back at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Ugh stop it you two.’ He groans, throwing a pillow at you both. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Fuck you, Murphy!’ You laugh, flicking him the finger. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the evening seems to fly by and soon you find yourselves passed out in your bed, your head nuzzling into the crook of his neck as you cuddle into him. You’d not managed to keep your relationship from your superiors but to your surprise they were surprisingly okay with it, only expecting you to declare it to human resources and swearing that it would not impede on your work. When you’d been moved to the search bloc base in Medellín, they’d even allowed you a room together. It wasn’t much but you appreciated the fact they hadn’t separated you. When all was said and done and Pablo was finally no more, the two of you returned to the States. You made a quick trip to see your parents and introduce them to Javi before making your way to Texas where he introduced you to the kindest man you'd ever met. His father. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two of you settled quickly, relishing the normality of life in Texas but it was to be short-lived when Javi was given a promotion and asked to return to Colombia to help take down the Cali Cartel. Neither of you knew what to do. They’d given him some time to think about it, he had some leave to use and he intended to use it. You both decided in the end that it was best he go back, he wouldn't be able to sleep until he laid to rest what he’d started all those years ago and you promised to go with him, to support him through whatever life was going to throw at him. That was until fate decided that it had other plans for you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘This is delicious Hunny.’ Says Javier sweetly as he digs into the steak dinner you’ve cooked for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was only a month until he was due to leave for Colombia and you’d started to spoil him, desperate for him to relax as much as he can before heading back into the lion’s den. What he couldn’t see from where he was sitting was your hands shaking as you ate your own food, the butterflies in your stomach more like a swarm of bees trying to protect their honey.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Javi I need to talk to you about something.’ You finally pluck up the courage to say, looking at him through your long lashes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Sure Hermosa. What’s up?’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘I uh…’ You stumble at the first hurdle, dropping your cutlery on your plate as the nerves start to consume you ‘I…’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Sweetie, what’s wrong?’ He asks as his brow furrows in concern ‘You're shaking baby what is it?’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Oh god.’ You sob, covering your mouth with your free hand as you try to find the strength to speak. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘You’re scaring me.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Javi I’m…’ Your breathing quickens as you see him tilt his head, waiting for you to continue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘You’re what baby?’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Pregnant.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Javier’s jaw drops and your stomach sinks. You’d never talked about children with him before, whether or not he ever wanted any. He was great with kids, something you’d witnessed from the many gatherings his small town had but it’s one thing to be great with kids. Its another to actually want them. He is silent for some time. His food going untouched and his drink un-drunk as you watch him process this information and you end up feeling like you need to clarify.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘I’m not sure how!’ You start, your voice shaking as you stare at your hands ‘I’m on the pill and everything but the doctor said that it can fail sometimes.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘God Javi please say something.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘How far along?’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Um according to the tests, just under 2 months.’ You reply, relieved that he’s finally saying something ‘Javi I’m so sorry. I know we’d never spoken about kids and I know this is terrible timing but I can’t do this without you I-‘</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He interrupts you with a kiss, it's soft but firm and you melt into it. Pulling away he rests he forehead against yours and lets out a shaky breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘I’m not going to lie to you this is a shock.’ He starts, giving you a nervous chuckle ‘And you’re right it is bad timing... But I don’t care.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘You don’t?’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘I also think that you should stay here.’ He states, leaning back so he can look you squarely in the eye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘What? Why?’ You start to panic again ‘You don’t want to be with me?’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Of course, I do!!’ He replies, taking your hand in his ‘But it’s not safe for you and our child out there. I won’t be able to focus if I’m worried about you both.’ He Clarifies, studying you closely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘But I want to be at your side.’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘And I want that too but we need to be sensible.’ He continues, bringing your fingers to his lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Javi are you seriously telling me that you’re willing to miss the birth of your child?’ You question ‘I know it’s going to be difficult but I need you… I can’t do this alone.’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Javier sat in silence for a moment pondering what you said, knowing that deep down inside he would never forgive himself for missing the birth of his first child. He knew it was going to be tough but if anyone was going to be able to make things work it was you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Fine.’ He replies, kissing your knuckles again ‘’We’ll make it work.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You beam at his response, kissing him again as he pulls you onto his lap so he can rest his hand over your belly. You both look down and contemplate how much life was about to change. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>'I never thought I'd get the chance to be a father.' He starts, his thumb stroking your belly 'I just always assumed that after royally screwing things with Lorraine that I was doomed to be alone. Seeing her with her husband and her kid when we got back, I realised that I could have that with you and I'm going to.' </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>'You're really not mad?' You ask, resting your forehead against his temple.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>'How could I be mad?' He asks, letting out a small sob 'You've got our baby growing inside of you. I think that's possibly the most wonderfully magical thing in the world.'</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You kiss him again, grinning against his lips as he shifts himself so he can place soft kisses where you bump is soon to be. The road ahead was uncertain, rocky but it was bright. You can't wait to see where it takes you.  </span>
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